The history of video games has seen a lot of horses. Sadly, most have been crap. Whether we’re talking about Epona, the horse in Shadow of the Colossus, or the horse in, I don’t know, Witcher 3 must’ve had a horse or something… Anyway, those horses all sucked, but the following 10 were awesome and are the best.
Sure, this horse basically looks like Crystal, so it loses points for that, but it is in one of the greatest games of all time, so it gains even more points as a result. Since it doesn’t have a name, I’m gonna call her Crysta.
9 – The green horse in Crystal’s Pony Tale
This horse looks like it’s sick, which is bad, but she’s in the greatest game ever made, which is better than good: it’s great.
8 – The other horse that also looks like Crystal in Crystal’s Pony Tale
At least she’s slightly less the same colour than the other one. Also, there are two other horses near her, so along with Crystal, you’ve got double the amount of horses on screen than when you save any of the other horses.
7 – The horses in Noby Noby Boy
Just look at those horses with the little legs just kicking around. Ha ha. Horsies. Since this is Noby Noby Boy, this means that you can also eat the horses and poop them out.
What is the name of this colour? Perhaps it will remain a mystery forever. Perhaps not knowing is what makes it so magical. Perhaps it’s time to move on to the next horse.
5 – The horse that looks like it realized I would remove points for looking too much like Crystal so it rolled around in purple paint from Crystal’s Pony Tale
It gets some points for effort here. I mean, if we’re not meant to infer that it rolled around in paint, then I don’t know what’s going on with its colour.
4 – The yellow horse from Crystal’s Pony Tale
Have you ever seen a yellow horse? Of course you have, since most of you have already played this classic game when it came out and those of you who didn’t have recently discovered it and played it for over one hundred hours in preparation for that review you’re posting later today in honour of International Review Crystal’s Pony Tale Day, which is today. In any case, this horse looks amazing. Some of you want to marry this horse and you know it.
3 – Shinobi’s horse in Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master
Everything about this game is great and the level where you ride a horse is one of the best. The level has some great music while you ride a horse. You can jump around and use magic while you ride a horse. There’s a boss fight while you ride a horse. It is the best game featuring a ninja and the 2nd best game featuring a horse.
2 – The blue horse from Crystal’s Pony Tale
Yes. Just one thing is better than a blue horse.
1 – Crystal
Crystal, from Crystal’s Pony Tale (the greatest game ever made), is the greatest horse in all of video games. There’s no denying it. She can jump, defeat evil witches, save her friends, has classical music play wherever she goes. Plus, she can be whatever colour she wants. She truly is a perfect being and the one true god.