My oldest boy, Simon, who will be six this summer, loves video games. He often tells me what he would do if he created his own game. His descriptions are often a mix of genius and pure madness. One time, he asked me if I thought my friends on the Internet would like his ideas. I decided to record him describing a game idea he had weeks ago so that I could transcribe and translate it here. There may be more of these coming at some point or there may never be another one. I don’t know.
What follows here is, word for word (after I translated it), what Simon said. If the phrasing is ambiguous, it is because he phrased it that way. I didn’t want to make things clearer by interpreting what he might’ve meant. That would interfere with his artistic vision. I’ve added some comments as bullet points after his statements.
You can play as Mario, Luigi, a black Yoshi, a blue Yoshi, a yellow Toad, a red Toad, Sonic, Wario, Link, Mega Man, and Waluigi. The game has 8 worlds. In every world, there are enemies with axes and sheep that go “Maaaaaah!” with an axe. There are also tornadoes with enemies inside them that cut your face and you die. When you die, you become one of Bowser’s robots. You then play as an enemy. Bowser is the last boss.
- He was open to including characters from other franchises as well. These may be available via DLC or Amiibo, I suppose. He did not explicitly state how the other characters would be inculded.
One world is in space. Another is in 1617. Every world has 10 levels and one boss, except world 5, which has 8 levels and 50 bosses.
- More themes for the other worlds were discussed before I started recording, but they were only tentative worlds. Space World and 1617 World will definitely be in the game. No idea what 1617 World meant. He said it in English as well and said “sixteen seventeen,” so it is not even clear that what he meant was the year 1617. For all we know, it could be a world where everyone is 16 or 17 years old.
The first boss is a large peanut bomb. It shakes its face and smaller peanuts fall. If you touch a smaller peanut, you slide and explode and the whole planet explodes and you die.
- He did not tell me how many hits it takes to kill the peanut or how you attack it. It is possible that this level is a commentary on food allergies, though what that commentary might mean is not clear.
The 2nd boss is a flying carpet that flies into your butt and farts when it sees your butt. To kill it, you have to shoot fire at it and then you have to jump on the carpet and have lightning come at you, and then you have to dodge the lightning so that it hits the carpet and it dies.
- This boss sounds pretty tough. He did not tell me what colour the carpet will be.
The 3rd boss is a turtle that hides and runs around when it sees good guys. He is also a robot. He can’t see feet. He only sees butts. You have to hit him twice to kill him.
- It was not made explicit, but I believe it is safe to assume this turtle will look a lot like a Koopa. I am not sure the game will address how the the turtle in question came to have the ability to detect “goodness” in people.
The 4th boss is Alexis. You have to slap his butt three times to kill him.
- No word on how Alexis, his younger brother, will attack, but if real life Alexis is any indication, it will involve running full speed and diving into you head first, as well as trying to lick your face. He may also taunt you by saying he doesn’t love you anymore.
The 5th boss is a ghost. To know where he is, you have to have ice. When you shoot ice, you know where he is.
- No idea if you also use ice to attack him or only to make him visible.
The 6th boss is a stick with a a ghost holding it and it hits you in the face with it to kill you. To kill it, you have to have fire, ice, and a star.
- At this point, as he thinks of bosses, he has been simply saying “And the next boss is….hmmm, what is it?” as he looks around the living room for inspiration. Earlier in the day, we played hockey with mini sticks. This will also inform his choice for the next two bosses.
- As for this boss, it is not clear if the stick hits you with the ghost or if the ghost is in charge and hits you with the stick. His phrasing is ambiguous.
The 7th boss is a hockey net. To kill it, you have to jump on it and make fart noises.
- A demonstration of the attack was given in this instance. This is likely the easiest boss, though the player may have a fart gauge that needs to be replenished somehow. A fart-based attack system used regardless of which character you choose is likely a safe assumption at this point.
The final boss is a hockey goalie. He shoots pucks at your face with a gun, but you have a mask to protect yourself.
- I don’t know how you get the mask or how you attack the goalie.
After the final boss, you fight Bowser. Once you kill him, you fight the REAL final boss. The real final boss is…YOU. You must fight yourself to save the world.
- He has never played a game or seen a game where a shadow or mirror version of the player is revealed as a boss, so this bit impressed me a little. His demeanor when relating this information revealed that he thought it was particularly brilliant of him to have thought up this surprise ending. I did not ruin it for him.
The game is called Change Good Guys: Super Colours: Change Cool.
- The were clear pauses where I put colons, which to me indicates that this game is part of a series which is itself part of an even larger series, kind of like Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 2: Innocent Sin and Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 2: Eternal Punishment.
There you have it: Simon’s idea for a video game. I told him I would be posting this and that some people may leave comments. I also explained to him that some people may leave hurtful comments or tell him his game idea is terrible. He is ready for positive and negative comments. So, what do you think of Simon’s idea for a game?